Why do I need to forgive? 

They tell me, “it’s the right thing to do,” 

that others like me have forgiven.  

As if they were ever offered another option.

I’m supposed to find comfort knowing my experience is shared.

But I find no ease knowing that others have suffered like me,

everything going to shit because of one moment,

a moment that no one said yes to. 

Why do I need to forgive?

To forgive someone 

who never wanted to apologize in the first place- 

who says he’s done no wrong, 

and I have no reason to “overreact” like I have been.

Maybe he’s right.

The trauma, the constant fear, 

is made up. 

The court date should be cancelled, 

the charges should be forgotten, 

and I should forgive. 

Forgive the boy with the plan. 

Forgive the boy who knew what he did. 

Forgive the boy who was “just too drunk.” 

Why do I need to forgive? 

Because no one will let me forgive myself.