The Ultimate Guide to Babysitting (A Monologue)

Ms Wood, please don’t freak out but I think I ran into a problem while you were gone. You know your baby, Dot? Of course, you do, it’s your baby. Well, I may have….

Okay, before I tell you, let me paint you a picture. Me and Dot on the couch, watching some good old Sesame Street and being the best of buds.

She was beginning to doze off, so I took the time to head into the kitchen to grab something to eat because I hadn’t had anything to nibble on for a while. I was just finishing up making a sandwich when I heard the garbage man coming down the street. I noticed that you forgot to put out the trash so I thought I would do it for you since being a single mom is hard enough as it is.

I took the trash out of the bin and placed it beside the couch before checking the rest of the house for any more garbage.

When I was sure there wasn’t any that I missed, I picked up the bag and set it on the curb. It seemed heavier than it was before. I thought that it was because I hadn’t eaten yet, so it was just my muscles giving up on me.

I made it right in the nick of time to catch the truck and wave them goodbye. I was so satisfied with my good deed that I did for you.

I had come back into the house, grabbing my sandwich and sat down on the couch again.

Something seemed different, but I didn’t know why. The TV show was done, and it was around Dot’s nap time, so I knew it was time to turn the TV off and put Dot in her PJs.

The only problem was, there was no Dot!

I searched the whole house thinking that maybe she had just crawled away and hid somewhere. But she had stubby little legs, so it seemed highly impossible.

You know who else has stubby legs? Corgis! They’re the cutest little things. I always wanted one since I was a kid, but my parents thought that it was a bad idea. They thought it would mysteriously disappear like my pet hamsters. My parents believe it’s because I accidentally threw them out when I was cleaning their cages, but I think their wrong because I have such a good track record when taking care of things!

Take Dot, for example, she has never died or mysteriously disappeared before under my watch. What’s that, Ms Wood? No, I’m not stalling, why on earth would I do that?

Anyway, I looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find Dot.

So, there are only two possible explanations:

She’s the best hide-and-seek player ever, or I accidentally threw out your baby. Either way, am I still getting paid?

One Comment Add yours

  1. preet393 says:

    Dear Paxton,

    I absolutely loved reading your monologue, it is hilarious! You were able to capture the voice of the central character so well that while I was reading, I could envision how this scene would play out in my mind on stage. My favourite parts were the very first section where you set the scene and enhanced the voice of the character and provided insight into their behaviour by saying, “Of course you do, it’s your baby.” My second favourite part was where you brought in the Corgis. That was was simply hilarious and added humour while simultaneously conveying the stress of the character at that moment, as they change topics part way through.

    For improvement, I honestly do not have anything to say, but if I must, I would suggest the possibility of adding more to the part where the character is engaging in dialogue with the mother. That way you can provide more insight into the stress and worry of the mother during the progression of the scene.

    Overall, I loved your piece! You are such a talented monologue (and in general too) writer and I encourage you to write more pieces similar to this one.

    Sincerely,
    Preet 🙂

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